On How to “Really Matter.”

May 19, 2009

Via Upturned Earth, I see Robert Stacy McCain has kindly provided the world with a guide on how to succeed as a conservative intellectual, featuring a handy three step process.  As a public service, I figured I ought to provide another three point plan for successful (?) conservative organizations to help on the institutional side of things.

• Pretend to be interested in what intellectuals might have to say — Sponsor college newspapers around the country, offer youth leadership summer programs or internships at leading GOP non-profits. That way they’ll think their voices matter. Suckers.

Create openings in the party structure, but don’t really create openings. The status quo still works, no reason to change.  — You have a few leading politicians left, right? Offer a ‘policy advisor’ gig somewhere. Keep the whipper-snappers gnawing at the bit. They may be feeling a bit left out but let them think there will be big rewards somewhere down the road. They might (might) be able to change something. Someday.

 Forget the first two steps. These people are a threat and they must be stopped. — Congratulations. You’ve come to the point all parties in the political death spiral must come to. There are many ways to get here (Iraq, Deregulation, Knee-jerk Populism, Palin) but very few ways out. While you’re waiting though, why not jettison everyone who’ll remind you how monumentally screwed you are? You’re already hellbent on alienating anyone with half a hippocampus, so there’s nothing lost by lobotomizing what remains of your party apparatus. You’ll be feeling better in no time. (Thinking better, not so much.)

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3 Responses to “On How to “Really Matter.””

  1. […] Earth, does not mean I won’t still be posting here. There will definitely be more of the snark, weirdness, and unabashed nerdery you’ve come to expect here at The Other Right, just with […]

  2. JL Wall said

    I don’t know whether the “hippocampus”/”apparatus” rhyme was intentional or not, but it’s a nice touch regardless.

    • H.C. Johns said

      No, it wasn’t intentional but that’s actually pretty funny. *Sigh* If only there was a niche for rappers who rhyme in iambic endecameter, then I’d be set.

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